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new year’s resolutions-8 months after the fact

July 31, 2006

every new year begins with solemn oaths to transform yourself. you’ll be more organized, more fit, more hard-working, more conscientious, more outgoing, more independent, more knowledgeable, more positive, more assertive; you’ll be more.

that’s the key right there–more. life is short. minutes crawl, but years fly by. suddenly you’re 21 years old, a month away from starting senior year of college, and terrified that you’ve wasted it. three years of the best time of your life, and what do you have to show for it? what have you really done, truly experienced?

that’s my situation and the reason why i’m writing this. for this year, and for every year forward, i don’t want to be disappointed, my expectations unfulfilled. i want more.
which translates into being more. things don’t just happen. you have to make them happen. this is especially true where i go to school. things are different here. people are different. it’s like living in a bubble apart from the rest of the world.

let me demonstrate: here, skinny guys with long, greasy hair become pasty from rarely seeing the light as they hole up with ‘halo’ or ‘final fantasy’. these are the kinds of guys who’ve given up on real flesh-and-blood girls and so instead drool over animated females or download whole gigs of porn. this is a place where people pass by each other with a concerted effort to look at their toes rather than make eye contact or nod hello. parties here are a joke. no one shows up. in fact, on a friday night, there are probably more people at the library than at any sort of social gathering. unless, of course, free food is involved.

so why so many…interesting…people? well the school is overly skewed towards engineering, pre-med, and computer science. none of those fields require communication skills and artistic endeavors are virtually nonexistent. we liberal arts majors struggle along as a minority of students who have time to be social, have the ability to be social, but have sorely limited options of with whom to be social.

this socially-stunted, cliquey, homogenous, over-stressed environment makes it ridiculously difficult to get the few normal (i’m using that term liberally, as in, people who can hold a conversation not pertaining to computers, video games, anime, DDR, or how cool it would be if aliens landed right here just like in that movie and we totally blasted their asses with a mega-blah, blah, blah…) people you’re friends with to go out and live life.

yes, i’m complaining. it’s a talent. but really, i’m just frustrated. this is my one and only college experience and it’s being wasted.

what’s different about this particular bitching-spree is that i’m actually going to be proactive. this is my senior year and i’m going to stop waiting for people to come my way, for things to happen to me, because they just don’t.

i’m going to be more of everything. i’m going to do more of everything. and best of all, i’m going to write it all down here so that i don’t lose those precious minutes of my life. you think that you’ll remember something forever, but it’s not true. slowly, excruciatingly, the good memories are replaced by days, weeks, months of blah days, of your grocery list, those psych terms you shoved into your brain the night before the test, or what you ate for breakfast. you lose it.

even as boring as i sometimes feel my life is, i know that there are little things every day that i experience that make me laugh or make me think, but are lost after that brief moment. when i’m seventy years old, all i’m going to have are my memories. i want a record which proves i lived, or tried to live as much as possible.

and those are my new year’s resolutions in july. stick around, see if i keep them.

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One comment

  1. you think that you’ll remember something forever, but it’s not true. slowly, excruciatingly, the good memories are replaced by days, weeks, months of blah days, of your grocery list, those psych terms you shoved into your brain the night before the test, or what you ate for breakfast.

    I liked that

    Anyway … Happy Blogging!



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