men are shameless

August 1, 2006

male symbolwhen looking at the obvious disconnection between men and women, it seems obvious to me that mankind is a product of evolution, not god.

in a barebones explanation, evolution says the motivating force for human behavior, and all species, is survival. this means that there better be babies. babies means sex. sex feels good so that we will have lots of it to produce all those babies. statistically, there are fewer men and more women. no problem there–one man could impregnate as many women as he has the energy for. therefore, men have an innate desire to screw everything in a skirt. meanwhile, women, who have to have these babies and ensure their survival, have a different agenda wired in. they want the man who scewed them to stick around, help them out. support and protection, all that good stuff. nor is sharing high on their priority list; the more women hanging out with their man, the more resources have to be divvied up.

anyways, babies abound. all is wonderful. meanwhile, approximately ten thousand years have passed by and the world’s a little different. fewer babies might be the way to go nowadays as billions of us are running through natural resources. extinction is a possibility only in nuclear terms. yet, while the world has changed, mankind’s internal hardware hasn’t. even though baby-making has taken a backseat in a world where life has become more than just survival, men still want to have sex all the time with lots of women, and women are still territorial and couple-conscious.

so where am i going with this, and could i possibly get to the point now?

the point is that if god, and i’m going with the standard benovelent-type higher being, created man, he would have made us a hell of a lot more compatible. male and female instincts are running at odds with each other. we want love and forever. they want threesomes.

a prime example, and the motivation for this post, is the cookout i went to yesterday. my friend’s father was having a company cookout and every year he gets family friends or, in this case, his daughter’s friends, to come help out with the cooking and organizing. i usually go; free food, alcohol, and a $100 dollar check for helping out isn’t something i’m going to say no to. anyways, my friend’s boyfriend is a chef so he usually does all the grilling for the event. i’ve met him at least a few dozen times and he seems like a decent guy, if not at all my type. besides pleasantries and the basic small talk, i can’t say i’ve really talked to the guy.

so we’re all serving the food, but it’s pretty relaxed. the little kids at the party are having a water balloon fight. we helpers have our own battle-of-the-sexes thing going on. yes, the men were winning and we were dripping, but it was all in good fun. all of us were buzzing a little from the keg and smirnoff twisted, and the day was perfect. a few of us, including my friend and her boyfriend, took a food break at a table. she was sitting directly across from me and her boyfriend was right next to me. as all of us were talking, i kept feeling something brush against my side. i figured that he was just playing with the back of my chair and accidentally brushing his fingers against me.

except that it didn’t stop. i didn’t know what to do so i just ignored it, especially as i didn’t want to let my friend, his girlfriend, the person sitting DIRECTLY across from us, to realize. later, as we were walking around, i kept noticing him looking at me and smiling, and once he tried to grab my hand. i just ignored it and tried to stay away from him for the rest of the cookout.

meanwhile, most of the people at this cookout were much older than us since it’s my friend’s dad’s colleagues. one man recognized me from helping at last year’s cookout and came over to talk with us. i found what he had to say interesting, so we had a discussion going for a while.

some time passed before i realized my mistake. i tend to forget that for males, any attention you pay them translates into “flirtation”. i was not flirting with him. when i flirt, it’s something entirely different and i’m always aware i’m doing it. this was holding an intelligent conversation. i also tend to forget that while i might still feel like a little kid, adults view me as one of them. i’m not a girl, but a woman, which is quite a disconcerting thought when you realize the forty-plus man you’re talking to is interested and attracted to you, and that he has a photo saved of you from last year’s cookout…

in a condensed version, this man followed me around for the next hour or two, got another photo, commented on how sexy my walk was, and generally made a fool out of himself. i was good-natured and polite, but no longer tried to hold a conversation with him, making myself as busy as possible. i tried to leave when he wasn’t around, but he jogged after me and asked if he could get my email address so he could send me the photos. if someone could advise me on the slickest way to duck out of giving contact info without killing a guy’s ego, i would be greatly appreciative.

and to top off the day <drum roll>, my friend’s father, quite the dirty ol’ man himself, commented on how he was sure i would look great in a wet t-shirt (this linking to the water balloon fight).

in conclusion, men are shameless. although i’d like to think we’ve all become civilized enough to think before acting on our baser instincts, my cookout adventure obviously shows otherwise. the piggish behavior continues. to me it seems like an obvious evolutionary anachronism. unless god’s bored and needs entertainment.

DISCLAIMER: this is all obviously in good fun. i am not basing my belief system on the mating impetus of the average male. although, i do believe men are shameless. and don’t harangue me with my mistakes in evolutionary theory either—i’m a poor liberal arts student, show pity.



  1. Hmm, being a former shameless man myself, I feel I can comment on this post with authority.
    Btw, I found your blog from your post in the Blogger Help general discussion forum.
    I have recently been freed from shameless sexual compulsion. I am now enjoying, yes, enjoying, a celibate lifestyle. It’s kind of a mystery how, really. It has its roots in the spiritual formation of my soul.
    I used to be a sexual harasser in my 20’s, I’m in my 40’s now. I have four children from 2 wrecked marriages and have gotten into much trouble in my shameless sexual antics over the years.
    I am now set free by the power of God’s love. I chronicle my life, especially my spiritual activities on my blog, The Lonely Man’s Blog.
    Feel free to check it out. I like your writing. It is fresh and fun. Leave a comment. And do a search on my blog for “hit song” and find out what the hit song was on the day you were born.


  2. PS I’ll add you to my blogroll.

  3. We all learn as we go along, way down the line when we get all wrinkled and worn those would be the days to remember.
    If I were around maybe I would have asked you to take it as a compliment.
    Have fun!!!

  4. Thanks for the Disclaimer. Had I not seen it I would have filled this comment with needless factual information. I see that It is frustrating for a woman to deal with some of us men who are not so self disciplined. Like Tim up there, I’m also a former jerk (no harm intended Tim). That’s what it is. I can’t defend it because I know exactly what you’re saying.

    If I could give you some advice on dealing with men properly I would say this:

    You don’t need to worry about hurting a mans feelings by telling him to stay within his limits. For men like that (like I was), we aren’t so interested in the rejection if we think that there is a second chance at it. However, not all of us who act that way are only after sex.

    I’ve learned that both men and women need the same thing but we both come at it from different angles. Men are naturally attracted to the physical first. We are a sight based sex, it’s how we think which is not wrong at all. I’m glad to be different from women.

    Women seem to be more interested in openness and relationship but often they get in a sexual relationship too quickly because they think that will get them to the relationship part. It’s sad because many guys are not willing to open up and so you end up with a shallow-dead-end pseudo relationship.

    Let me tell you something about men. Not all of us have a perfect history. Even though we may come across as real nice well raised guys, Some have very strong rejection issues and are extremely afraid but don’t show it. When we are asked by women to share our deepest inner thoughts, that’s when most of us run. Don’t get me wrong, a guys mind isn’t anything like how the media portrays it. But, I know that when I was ever asked by a girl to tell her about myself in depth and what I think about, I was so afraid of being rejected that I would totally distance myself from her.

    We see women as these perfect beings who don’t have a clue about anything dark and harsh. I guess I’m really going off on a tangent here but in this comment I hope that you can understand a bit more about us.

    Now when it comes to guys who touch you and make stupid comments as if you’re some kind of toy, give them only enough time to grow up and don’t ever think that you need to lower your standard. Those guys give the rest of us a bad name but compared to other types of men, they are kitty cats. The ones you should watch out for are the very manipulative ones who will act like they’re not even interested in your physical appearance just to reach the goal.

    I should get a kevlar vest after writing this, I’m giving away all of our secrets, hehe… Anyways, you asked for input on this entry because it’s in bold so I gave you my best input.

    God Bless,


  5. uhhh… got teary eyes now, you guys are the best. Thanks for sharing your thoughts, though the above writings are not from me, I totally feel her. Tim and Joshua Thanks again you just opened my eyes that there are still men like you exist.

    God bless!

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