chasers and the chased

August 27, 2006

after receiving two 1:30 a.m. text messages separated only by a minute followed by a drunk dial (which i ignored), i’ve hypothesized that there are two types of players in the dating arena: the Chasers and the Chased.

the Chasers may not necessarily be the initiators, but they are definitely the prolongers. they’re the ones who always remember to invite you to whatever party they and their friends are going to whether or not they actually think you’ll show up, leave ims to the away messages no one else reads, and leave witty (but forced) comments on your facebook/myspace wall. oh, and specifically wait until drunk so as to have an excuse to call or talk to you.

the Chased are in the superior position. they pick and choose what calls, ims, texts, and comments to which they deign to reply. they sit with their friends, complacently declaring, “well he’s very sweet but…“. their ego swells from the satisfaction of being desired, and in its smug state, dabbles in the precarious game of Mixed Signals.

the intriguing part is that we all play one side at one point or another. perhaps even at the same time, depending on how many romantic alliances you can juggle at once.

i chased First Love, with very negative results. a few guys chased me, also negatives across the board, with, i have to admit, not good behavior on my end (ie. never returning calls ever). i then tried chasing a guy who initiated and radiated “i like you” but who eratically responded to messages, and so far has not made good on his own offer to keep in touch. two other other guys are in the process of chasing me, although one, whom i’ll call “Smooth” may or may not be after extracurricular activities only. hard to tell since he spends so much time just trying to hang out with me in addition to mild extracurriculars. meanwhile, Drunk Dial is very transparent with his intentions–i’m met with ‘what’s your perfect date? what kind of guys would you date? can i call you? i think you’re a beautiful, intelligent girl. i wish we went to the same university so i could take you out more easily’.

in fact, let me illustrate the specifics of this very sweet and earnest boy: he’s a high school friend of one of my girlfriends who came up just to visit. we all went to the bars and had a rollicking good time. on returning, my girlfriend (who is not interested romantically in her friend, i checked) passed out. meanwhile, i was in the mood for some light boy time, and he was a nice-looking prospect. let me emphasize “light” here. i wasn’t expecting anything to come of this, or to be honest, cared whether it did or not. it never entered my head. however, i swear two minutes after i left, this kid facebooks me and leaves two very nervous messages about what a good time he had and would i want to see him again or stay in touch. i was flattered and we talked on AIM once or twice. since then he’s covered all communication bases and i’m guiltily watching his name flash on my cell, a warm ball of satisfaction in my stomach while confused thoughts bang against each other in my head. do i like him, really? is iong-distance even worth trying? should i let him down gently now rather than later if i have doubts about the first two questions?

i don’t know.

what i do know? i don’t like how i treat my chasers or how my chased treat me. and that if my chased who hasn’t surfaced recently were to suddenly call me up, i would drop Drunk Dial in a second (horrible, but the truth). whether that’s simply a subconscious realization of which guy i like, or simply a mistake shortchanging a ‘chaser’ for a ‘chased’, i cannot tell you. in essence, does easy-to-get translate into less desirable in our ego-puffed brains?

if so, then we’re all committing dating suicide.

maybe i should call Drunk Dial back…



  1. Nice blog and nice texts. But instead of crying for comments, put a counter on your blog and you will see people are coming by, maybe read but at least you see a movement

  2. thanks for the comment. i actually do have a blog stats on my sidebar. currently it’s at 501. i dunno if that actually means people are reading or accidentally opening my blog up for 1.3 seconds before realizing their mistake and backing out. it’s fun to get comments, that’s why i’m begging. i’ll still write anyways. it’s starting to become a good outlet for negativity and frustration.

  3. you seem to be perennially obsessed with the self, try to live a life thats real,all i meant to say is you write pretty good, but indulge in creative writing than about yourself. its not the priviledges but the priorities , that makes us special. try being quiet with yourself, most of the most sought after answers are answered by “thy” self. trust me on this note n try to plunge into the deeper realms of silence, where you merge with your inner self, this therapy , is called self rejuvenation.be blessed………………always

  4. lol, i’m well aware that i’m observing life more than living it. perennial problem. trying to fix it, but it’s going slow. i’m sorry if i seem over-obsessed with myself, i guess that myself and my observances of how people react to me is what i know best, and that’s why i write about it.

    i will take your advice and try to do more creative writing (i actually do have some of that on this site, although not much). i have a hard time coming up with story plots to be honest. but i find writing is a good outlet, so i’ll try harder.

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