please evaluate my stupidity

September 9, 2006

i may have done something potentially embarassing. not only would this make it awkward if i run into this person, but in general, it shows how little self-control and/or patience i have…

alright, so there’s this guy (isn’t there always? all problems stem from men). this guy was in my english class last semester. good-looking. let’s call him Heath since it’s his last name, plus he’s yummy like chocolate. as this was a 2.5 hour class, everybody’s eyes started to glaze over around the hour mark. i loved watching all the other girls in the class watch Heath. not to mention, i liked watching him.

never spoke to the kid all semester. and then, in place of the last class, our professor took us out to dinner. the previous class i’d told everyone i was probably not going to make it, but i decided to skip out on my final LSAT review (i’m ever so studious) and go.

well i get there, and Heath wanders up to me and says he actually emailed me since he didn’t think i was coming to the dinner. he wanted to know if hanging out later would be a possibility. imagine my shock. yummy boy from english class wants to hang out? hellz yeah!

so we ended up talking all through dinner, found some other classmates, and headed to the bar. we all had a great tipsy time and ended up heading to a get-together in the dorms where we flirted some more. but nice-nice flirting, you know? nothing dirty or sexual, but that sort of witty exchange possible when two people are aware of each other in the attraction-plus-personality away. afterwards, we said goodbye to everyone else and Heath walked me back to my place only to suddenly ask if i was up to do something else. being the cynic i am, i thought he wanted to invite himself in for some special attention.

ladies and gentlemen, he wanted to take a walk around the lagoon in the middle of the night, just the two of us. it was gorgeous. it was romantic. we walked around and talked for two hours. here it’s the beginning of Finals hell, and i didn’t float back to my suite, grinning like an idiot, until 3 a.m.

well between Finals and moving out, i didn’t end up in touch with him until the summer. once in a very great while he signs on AIM. so we talked. he never asked to hang out. neither did i. i’ll add here that i was usually the one initiating AIM talk, although he always ended up chatting for at least an hour until one of us had to get going. then i had a party at my house one weekend and on the spur of the moment, emailed him the day of.

he came. he didn’t know anyone else there but me, and didn’t bring any friends along. he just drove the 35 minutes from campus to my house and was one of the first people there, and the very last to leave (at 6:30 a.m. i might add). another great night with more nice-nice flirting. he gave me a hug and said we should keep in touch.

1 month later, still haven’t heard from him. we’re about to start the third week of school. pathetic girl that i am, he’s still on my mind. so much so that after coming home a little tipsy last night and attacking my secret chocolate hoard, i find a heath bar and decide that i’m an assertive female who should go out and make things happen!

yeah dumb idea. i wrote him an email. here it is word for word:


i was eating a heath bar and was reminded of you. i’m guessing this is (extremely) strange behavior, but i guess i never see harm in trying–i’m not sure if you have a girlfriend lurking about in the background or what, but i’ve gotten sort of mixed signals from you. i don’t know if it’s that you are shy, or in a relationship and not interested in friends. if it’s the former, this is my last ditch effort to hang out. i wasn’t nervous around you and you made me laugh–two very hard traits for me to find in a guy or friend in general. anyway, if you would like to hang out, let me know. if you don’t, not replying is answer enough.

regardless, hope the year is starting out on a positive note.

i sound desperate. i’m not so much desperate as it’s really hard for me to find guys i’m truly interested in, so here was one, and off i go on my weird too-eager tangent. i guess the thing with me is i never want to miss an opportunity. i was all “carpe diem”, “nothing ventured, nothing gained”, forgetting of course, “better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak and remove all doubt”. i don’t want to miss out on those things and those people who would make my life better. however, i don’t think my decision-making processes are capable of deciding what’s prudent after hanging out with good ol’ jack at the bars that night.

so how bad is it?



  1. Not bad at all. You made a fine decision.
    He sounds like a great guy, not too stuck on sexual gratification, no small thing that.
    You sound like you got your head on straight. You just feel a little exposed, making a play like you did.
    Hang in there and let us know how it works out.

  2. I agree with Tim. Given the way you describe “heath” I find it quite unlikely that he will feel offended, make you look like a dork or show any kind of unexpected/not-so-pretty behaviour, just because you’re being honest with him.
    Additonally, we guys are sometimes not very good at sending signals and get freaked out or loose courage most of the time (especially when somebody we care for is concerned). So he will probably be happy to know about your feelings and—since he’s probably not a emotionally deformed person—treat you accordingly.

  3. In regards to the letter, I thought it was classy and quirky. Like a Freddie Prinze, Jr. movie, except not as lame. By the way, your writing is catchy. I read one entry and was hooked. You’re like Chuck Palahniuk meets David Sedaris. It makes for some very interesting reading material. It’s like blogging roulette.

    • if only my romantic adventures ended as tidily as a Freddie Prinze, Jr. movie. but that wouldn’t be nearly as entertaining to read about, right? ;-p

      that’s an amazing compliment, so thank you very much. it’s motivating me to work on another post tonight. i hope you’ll continue reading in the future. i stopped writing during law school for obvious reasons and have lost my readership. a lot of what i write about here is stuff i cannot share with people in my life, so it’s comforting when someone reaches out from the cyber void to leave a comment.

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