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Heath’s reply

September 11, 2006

so, referencing the previous post, Heath answered my email today. but before i get to that, thanks to those who commented and helped reduce my anxiety level during the waiting period. i’m the strangest person sometimes–i constantly agonize over the social idiocies i commit, and yet i’m always putting myself out there for more. from the comments and Heath’s answer, the reaction to my email wasn’t negative, but it’s always so hard for me to tell what’s the norm or acceptable.

regardless, for once, i was glad i took some initiative. here’s his answer (read the previous post for what i wrote):

Hey there,
I know I know, you have every right to question the relationship we’ve built. And no I don’t see it as strange to be up front, I find it appealing that you have the confidence enough in order to bring it forward. To be completely honest with you, though, I do have a girlfriend “lurking about”. My position on that is, however, another conversation. I personally don’t see anything wrong with having girls that are friends even if there is sexual tension in the mix. Because I agree with you that there is a very well established comfort level between us, and I don’t really want to lose that… I’ll leave that one up to you though… But I know in all my ambiguosity I’ve tried my damnedest to keep it within the lines (very hard to do with you). Which adds to the fun of being friends. I don’t know, I guess I look ahead to what there is for old age and I think that now is the time to have fun. If you find that to be deceptive, or a lame excuse for the “typical” guy behavior, then so be it. I do apologize to you, if you felt like you were led on by me. But I’m only sorry if you felt really led on. Not for, like, a little bit of leading on :-)…(we all do that). Anyways, let me know what your position is even if I disgust you… I won’t take the “no reply” for an answer.
Hope your year is going well too!

the bad news: he has a girlfriend. this fact does not thrill me. on the other hand, i can sort of fantasize that he saw something in me that made him wish he didn’t. maybe that’s why we ended up talking and strolling around the lagoon in the wee hours of the night instead of studying for Finals? maybe that’s why he came to my party and stayed far longer than anyone else? whatever the case, the “confidence” he referred to is back. he was interested in me, he just happens to be chained to some girl. yes, i will use “chained” because i’ve decided that Heath’s lingering with me indicates unhappiness on the part of his relationship (a.k.a. his girlfriend is an overbearing bitch).

i have no evidence for any of this besides the worlds of speculation i read into “my position on [my girlfriend] is, however, another conversation”. a girl can dream, right?

tangent: isn’t it strange that he thinks the forthrightness of the email derives from self-assurance when in fact the opposite holds true? by giving me mixed signals, he eroded my confidence. being the person i am, i wanted an explanation so i held my breath and clicked “send”. then i came here and freaked out to all of you. what this tells me is that i need to stop using the behavior of others as an indicator of my self-worth. maybe that guy didn’t call because he was shy. or, in this case, because he has a girlfriend. it doesn’t necessarily have to be because i’m ME and that’s a horrible thing, right? the big question is how i go about fixing this.

so in conclusion to the Heath two-episode saga: i think he’s a decent guy and i appreciate his honesty and the time he took to write me. i wish he didn’t have a girlfriend, but there’s nothing i can do about it. i’d like to be friends. it’s hard to find interesting people with whom i connect so i’ll try not to be a brat and kill a possible good friendship just because i started out with a different relationship in mind. i guess time will tell whether or not he really feels like we can hang out.

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5 comments

  1. Sad to hear that your expectations weren’t precisely fullfilled, but you should be glad that Heath is aware of the situation. Being friends with someone you’re attracted to is nonetheless a hard task, for you can easily intrude on the relationship and hurt the feelings of the third person involved.
    I’ve been there, it’s an ugly place and great caution is highly advisable. But still, great friendships can emerge that way and i have to admit that my wife (I can say this since last month, still feels a bit weird) and I were engaged in this kind of friendship before we actually got together. (A course of events neither of us had ever expected)

    So I guess, what I’m trying to say is: Even if things don’t always work out like you expect, a good friend is almost certainly worth the effort.

    Cheers


  2. yeah, i am a little worried about that. i don’t want to do the fake, “i hope your relationship is going well” while wanting the guy myself. i think what saves me here is that i don’t know him well enough quite yet to fall into that. it’s more that there was the possibility of really liking him and clicking.
    how long did your romance/marriage take to unfold? were you the one dating someone else or was it your wife? it’s interesting how things work out, who you meet and how much they come to mean. i’d love to be married someday if possible.


  3. Dang! He’s got a girlfriend….
    Oh well, perhaps you can get a good friendship out of this.
    Oh, and I will pray for you to have a great marriage.


  4. My wife and I first met almost three years ago on a Christmas party at our university, and I really liked her from that moment on. Unfortunately she had a boyfriend at that time and so being anything more than just a friend was totally of limits for me. But during the next six months we discovered that we both had feelings for each other that were more than hard to deny.
    It was a sorry and difficult situation when she broke up with her boyfriend, and I admit that it was a significant loss of moral integrity for me, but despite the strange way our relationship started, we’ve been happy ever since.
    The best thing is that, eventhough we’re romantically entangled/married, we still regard each other as friends and I have the feeling that I can talk about everything with her (something I didn’t experience in earlier relationships of mine). I’m pretty much enjoying every single day with her.

    (I hope this much positive thinking doesn’t serve to make you depressed, I just get a little bit carried away when talking about this aspect of my life…)


  5. lol, no, positive thinking doesn’t make me depressed. i LIKE hearing about people falling in love, getting married and STILL loving each other outside of cinematic unreality. it makes me believe that maybe there are genuinely happy, loving couples out there. there’s hope. feel free to get carried away, it makes me happy.



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